Acceptance
by Nature9000
Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing to do in one's life is to move forward from the past and accept losses As Tori lives with ghosts of her past, it may take the help of a friend for her to finally accept that it is time to move forward and to enable herself to cope.


Acceptance

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, quit asking

A/N: Since I don't have the next chapter ready for any of the other stories I've got going on, i'm giving you a strict oneshot. This is a tribute I wrote about a month or two ago, also inspired by something that occurred leading up to a conversation with a friend over how my mom would react to said scenario. Anyway, read the oneshot, hope you enjoy it. It has some past that progresses to the present

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-NOTHING HARDER THAN GOODBYE -

"Victoria Vega, we do not climb the shelves!" Holly declared while pulling her six year old daughter off the Wal-mart. Tori was trying to get to a toy on the top shelf. She whined as her mother set her in the shopping cart. Her older sister ran up along the cart and grinned at the girl.

"How many times are you going to not listen when momma tells you not to do something? Stop being stupid." The eight year old chortled and Holly smacked Trina on the head. The girl rubbed her head and whined.

"And you be nice to your sister, Katrina. I didn't raise two siblings to call each other names or climb on things they're not supposed to."

"Sorry momma," the girls murmured. Their mom didn't always take them to the store, but ever since the divorce, she didn't have anyone to look after her children. She had a job as a radiologist, but it didn't always bring in a lot of money. The woman did the best she could for her babies, however, always a strong mother who would do the best that she could. Tori looked up to her, and despite the occasional arguments, she looked up to her big sis too.

They knew better than to talk back or they would be scolded. Their mother loved them dearly though, and nothing would change that. "I just wanted the new Princess Ariel doll, mommy." Holly reached up to the pin box and brought the bubbly mermaid toy into view.

Trina curled her nose as her fingers gripped the edge of the cart. "Don't you have enough dollies? Your whole room is covered in them." Tori gasped and immediately protested her sister. She wanted the newest and the best dolls! Holly closed her eyes and chuckled at her daughters.

"Your sister is right, Tori dear. You have quite a collection, and this is marked higher than we can really afford." Her lip quivered and she attempted to give her mother a pleading look complete with large eyes and an innocent look.

"But momma."

"Now sweetie. Maybe if you're good, Mommy will buy you this toy for Christmas." Holly swept her fingers beneath Tori's chin and reached down, kissing her on the top of the head. Tori giggled as her mom's love warmed and comforted her.

"But you're getting Trina that new jump rope." She pointed to the purple jump rope with red bow ties on each handle.

"Yes, but gym teacher has required her to buy it for practice." She bowed her head, defeated. Trina looked up to her mom with a subtle frown and Holly glanced to the doll toy, rubbing her chin instinctively.

"Aw. Momma…"

The mother heaved a heavy sigh and pulled the doll from the shelf, "We could do this." Tori perked up a minute and watched her mom reach down to one of the items in the cart. The woman grabbed two large bags of Tori's favorite cereal, which came out to be of equal price of the doll. "You cannot have both because we cannot afford both. So for now you can choose whether you want your cereal or the doll." Tori's eyes widened and her hand moved over her mouth.

Her mom was big on health, and always taught her daughters to make the right choices when it came to things of value and health decisions. She expected them to eat their breakfast, lunch, supper, vegetables and anything else on their plate. "That's not fair, momma. Why would you take away the cereal?" She pouted her lip as Holly's lips curved into a smile.

"It's your choice baby, the doll or the cereal."

"Bu-Bu-But…I want my cereal, momma." Holly lifted the cereal and looked at her inquisitively. "But I want the dolly too…" Her mother lowered the cereal and lifted the doll, smirking brighter. "I can't decide! Tri-Tri what should I do!"

"Well what do you think mom wants you to say?" Trina tilted her head and grinned at Tori. Immediately she knew the answer, bowing her head. She moved her tiny fingers onto the cereal. Her mom returned the doll to the shelf and set the cereal back in the cart.

"Not fair momma. Not fair."

"Life is not always fair, baby. You'll learn the value of the right choices as you get older." Holly pushed the cart forward and gazed tenderly into Tori's eyes. "I'll buy you that doll when I can afford it for you, okay? But you have to be a good girl."

"Yes mommy."

Seven years old, Tori came rushing home on her first day of school. Tears streamed down her face as her brown curls brushed against her cheeks. She ran past Trina, who was busy practicing a pirouette, and flung herself into her mom's lap on the couch. She curled her arms around her head and sobbed as she felt her mom's hand on her back. Trina stopped her practice and walked over. Holly's soft voice drifted down to her, touching her like honey and milk. "What's wrong sweetie?"

"There's a mean kid at school! She pushed me off the jungle gym, momma! It stings!"She sat up and pointed to her red and skinned elbow. Her sobs caught in her throat as mucous collected beneath her nose. Holly gently lifted her arm. Her eyebrows meshed together and she gently set Tori to the side so she could stand up. "Mommy? It hurts!" Her chest heaved as Trina climbed up beside her and put her arms around her, hugging her tight. "Tri-Tri?"

"Trina comfort your sister, I'll be right back." Tori watched her mom walk into the kitchen. Holly walked out with some hydrogen peroxide spray, bandaids, and cotton swabs. Tori sniffled as her mom reached down, gently kissing the scrape. The kiss warmed her, but as the spray bottle moved to her arm, she whimpered and moved her head to Trina's shoulder. She barely felt the sting of the medicine on her wound. When she looked back over, her mom was putting the bandage on. "See sweetie, all better."

"I don't want to go back there, mommy! The bully's going to push me off again!"

"There is no need to be afraid of anything." Holly let her climb onto her leg. She held her daughter protectively around the waist and reached down, sweeping her fingers through Tori's brown locks. "If you let them scare you, then they will come back. Stand up for yourself, stand up for what's right. Don't let them push you around."

"Right," Trina nodded, "And if all else fails your big sister's here for you." Holly closed her eyes and chuckled softly.

"Violence doesn't solve anything, Trina. Remember when you got into a fight at school and were sent home?"

"The kid thought they were going to be able to take away my lunch. No one takes away my lunch."

"I do not raise my daughters to be violent."

"Standing up for yourself and violent are two different things, right momma? I was standing up for myself by telling that girl not to take my lunch."

"Sweetheart, the principal said you had that other girl in a _headlock."_ Trina averted her sheepish gaze as Tori began to giggle. She wanted to be strong like Trina one day, but she also knew when their mom said something wasn't right, that there was no reason for her to do the wrong thing.

Of course, the very next day Trina walked to school with Tori and demanded to know where this bully was. Tori pulled her backpack strap over her shoulder and looked up to her sister with concern. "Tri-Tri, mommy said no violence."

"No one messes with my baby sister except me." They came across the girl and Tori hid behind her elder sister. The long haired brunette made eye contact with the shy child and began to laugh. With that Trina stomped her foot on the ground and lunched forward, startling the bully. "Listen here! You don't pick on my sister, got that?" The girl tried to get a word out, but Trina's voice rose above her. "My sister doesn't deserve that, and if I hear you picking on her, then you're going to settle things with me." She pointed to Tori and narrowed her eyes at the girl. "She is a lot better of a person than you'll ever be. Why? Because she's not a bully."

"Back off!" The girl defended.

"Not until you tell my little sister you're sorry! You're going to apologize even if I have to force it out of you." Trina grabbed the girl's shirt and pulled her close, narrowing her eyes. "Got it? You're not allowed to do anything more…I don't know if you recognize my name, but I'm the girl that put Rebecca Davis in a headlock and broke her arm…"

The girl's eyes widened and her body grew tense. "Fine! I'll leave her alone." Tori watched as Trina released her. The girl ran off and Tori shook her head. She had a bad feeling that her mom was going to find out. It was strange, but it seemed that their mom always knew when the two of them did something they shouldn't.

As predicted, when they got home their mother was standing in the living room tapping her foot on the ground. Her arms were crossed and her face was stern. She didn't have to say a word for them to know they were dead meat.

"I got a call from a concerned parent saying that one of my daughters got physical with her daughter. Trina?" Trina's shoulders fell and her eyes flickered to the side. Holly walked over and knelt down, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder and looking into her eyes. "Trina, you are the older sister here. You should teach your little sister that violence doesn't solve anything."

"It did work," Tori pointed out. Holly looked to her youngest and shook her head.

"Okay. But actions have consequence. My boss is over, but after my boss leaves you two will begin your chores." The girls froze as Holly stood up and turned away. "I'm afraid you'll have to do a little extra."

"But momma!"

"No buts, Trina. I told you already no violence, and I do not want Tori repeating what you did. Do you understand why I am going to have to make you do extra chores?" They bowed their heads and muttered under their breaths.

"Yes momma."

"Sometimes it is better to talk things out. Stand strong but don't use threats to get what you want. You will never get the things you want by forcing your way through everything. Sometimes softness will get a better response than roughness. Try and remember that, girls."

The conversation with her boss hadn't gone well. Holly had lost her job and spent some time looking for a new job. It wasn't easy as the girls struggled with bills, and sometimes Holly would have to suck it up and ask David's help with money. She didn't want to, but this taught her daughters that asking for help was a good thing, not a bad thing.

She eventually found a job as a nurse for the local hospital, but it meant late nights. Trina had to look after Tori because they couldn't really afford a babysitter. When Tori was ten she discovered her love for animals and often said she wanted to work with them when she got older. Her mom supported this and encouraged her to do whatever her dream was. Another dream was singing, she mostly enjoyed singing as a hobby though.

Tori was influenced by the strong independent women that made her think of her mom. Celine Dion, Sarah McLaughlin, Shania Twain. She liked the up and coming pop singers too, but her mom hated them.

Trina would turn on the television and go to one of MTV's music videos. Tori would sit beside her and they'd watch until a music video came up where one of the women dancers was grinding her hips against the crotch of a male dancer. Holly would walk by, usually with laundry, and stare at the screen with a sour look. "Turn that off this instant!" She commanded. Trina instantly hit the remote and Tori looked back, shocked and startled. "I don't want you watching that nonsense."

"A lot of singers dance that way now," Trina replied.

"It is filthy, and it sends a bad message. I don't want you two watching that, and I don't want you imitating that." Tori looked back to the screen, impressed and intrigued.

"Why do they dance like that, Momma?" She asked innocently. Holly walked around the couch and shook her head to the children.

"Because their producers and the singers typically think it's appropriate. It is highly inappropriate, but they think it makes money. There's a word you'll learn when your older, and I do not want to hear you use this-but the moves those dancers use are prostitute moves."

"Prostitutes? What are those?"

Trina looked towards her sister with rising eyebrows and a widening smirk. "They're the women that walk the streets at night and make money for-"

"Trina." Holly shot Trina a stern look, silencing the girl. She looked over to Tori, whose curiosity was now piqued. "A prostitute is someone that has little decency, they let people control them for money. They let other people tell them how to use their body in order to earn money. Those singers dancing like that? They are a lot like them, but heavily different for another reason."

"What reason is that?"

"I will tell you when you are older. Okay?"

"Okay momma. The point is, I never want to see you dancing like that."

"But what if I want to be a singer, momma? What if they ask me to dance like that?"

"You do what you believe is right, don't let anyone else tell you what to do baby." Tori scrunched her face and nodded carefully. "You're too young to worry about what you want to do with your life in the future, but I think you can be anything you want to be. Whether it is working with animals, being a singer, you can do it sweetheart, however I never want to see you compromise yourself for anybody."

"I won't momma. I won't."

"Okay." Holly looked up towards the clock on the wall and sighed heavily. "Your father will be here to take you girls for ice cream soon. Be on your best behavior, and I do mean you Trina." Trina laughed nervously and Tori playfully smacked Trina's knee.

The last time they were visiting their dad, Trina didn't like their father having to go off and leave them alone at the apartment. Despite it being an emergency. So she wrecked the living room and destroyed his sofa. Needless to say, the man was not happy, and neither was Holly when he drove his daughters back home.

In 2013, Tori sat with Jade and the other friends of hers, watching the VMAs. They were contemplating a recent fork in Tori's life. On one hand, she was psyched to begin college and study science, hoping to be a veterinarian. On another hand, she received an opportunity to work with a record agent that could make her a singer.

Trina appeared behind her and leaned down, apparently the girl still lived with her never having left. Tori looked up at her with a bright smile. "What are you watching little sis?" Trina asked. Jade and the others paid no attention to Trina, it was almost as if Trina weren't there. It hurt Tori a bit that they ignored her, but she understood why.

"Watching the VMAs…"

Jade snapped her gaze over while the others raised an eyebrow, all of them used to this by now. Trina nodded her head while Jade snapped her fingers and called out to her. "Go away Trina." Tori's heart broke and her head started to bow as Trina stood upright and glared at the girl.

"Oh look at that!" Andre pointed to the screen where Miley Cyrus began moving into a sex position. Tori shivered with disgust and looked over, gasping as she saw Holly walking into the living room. Holly turned her eyes to the TV and sneered with anger.

"Victoria Vega! You will turn that shit off this instant before I kick your ass!" Tori let out a sharp cry and grabbed the remote from Andre, instantly changing the channel. Her friends gawked at her and she slowly shrugged her shoulders. Mr. Vega poked his head out of the nearby bedroom, trying to see if she was okay.

"Momma didn't want me watching that." An eerie silence crept over them and Jade's lips fell into a frown. David closed his eyes and moved back into the bedroom.

"Dude that's getting old," Robbie muttered, "And this coming from a guy that still uses a puppet." Tori rubbed her arm as Robbie shook his head. "How many years, I'm done pretending-"

"Robbie enough," Jade growled. The woman stood up and motioned for Tori to follow her. Anxiety struck her hard, but she still managed to push herself up. What did Jade want? She did feel bad for changing the channel on everyone, but her mom raised her not to involve herself in that filth.

"I'm sorry about the channel. My mom always hated for me to watch that kind of dancing."

"Yeah, I know. Tori, let's go talk to my dad…" Her dad? Henry West was a counselor, and Jade wanted to go down that career path herself. Why did she need a counselor. "I think it's been long enough, and Robbie has a point…" She looked towards Holly and Trina, both were giving her looks of love and concern. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

In her heart, she knew Jade was right. Robbie's words were harsh, but he was only saying what the others had held in for so long. Pretending was difficult. Tori thought she could hear thunder rumbling out of the house, striking her with fear. No one else was reacting to it. Her eyes shot open and looked to the window, which was being pelted by heavy rain.

"It's raining!"

"No. It's not." Jade put her hand to Tori's shoulder. She looked back to her friend with a slight whimper. The thunder was the heavy beating of her heart, and the rain was the tears that were drenching her cheekbones. "Let's go…" Jade looked back to the friends and motioned to the door. "You guys probably want to go home, I don't think Mr. Vega's going to want you to stick around."

The friends all muttered and began to leave. Tori's chest heaved as she watched them walk out the front door. Her shoulders slouched and Jade pushed gently on her back.

Tori stood with Jade and Henry West at the Los Angeles Sunset Memorial Cemetery. Her heart thrust violently in her chest as a pained whimper. Two cross shaped headstones stood before them. Headlights flashed in her brain as she recalled flashes of blood and screams echoing through the air, drowned out by rolling thunder and the crushing metal around her.

_Holly Vega: July 6, 1961-June 29, 2006_

_ Trina Vega: April 20, 1992-June 29, 2006_

_ Helpless a small girl dropped to her knees, screaming as she watched it happen down the street. On a stormy morning, her mother was late getting Trina to a doctor's appointment. They lived near a busy intersection, and Holly's car sped over a puddle and spun out, sliding into the intersection where multiple cars tried in vain to skid to a halt. She remained there, for how long she wasn't sure, trancelike until her father scooped her up in his arms. _

"You were twelve?" Jade asked softly. Tori knelt before her mom's grave, weeping bitterly as Jade set a hand to her shoulder. She'd never coped with their deaths. Instead, she went on as if they'd never left at all, and her friends even bought into it. Acting as they were skilled best at, acting as if the two were still there clear as day. Jade would tell Trina to go away only to try and pull Tori back into reality.

"Jade tells me you never came to the cemetery," Henry spoke softly. "You missed their funeral even?" She wiped her eyes and swallowed the saliva dripping from the roof of her mouth.

"I-I didn't want that confirmation. I didn't want them…to be _gone! _It isn't fair! It's not fair…" Her chest grew sore as it trembled with pain.

"You never let them go? Tell me about them. Your mom, your sister, what were they like?"

Tori sat down and pulled her knees to her chest, gazing at her mom's grave. Her tears slowly dripped from her chin. Her entire body was trembling and she could not stop the pain spreading through her veins. "M-Momma did the best she could. She was strong, independent and worked hard to raise me and my sister on her own. She'd never say it but she didn't like having to do it all by herself…but she pushed through." Tori wiped her eyes and moved her chin to her knees. "She loved us. There aren't a lot of moms out there like her anymore. Trina was a protective older sister, she wouldn't ever let anyone pick on me. She got into trouble a lot though." She chuckled at the memories and shook her head. "I miss them. I don't want to think I'm crazy by acting like they never went away, but…"

"You wouldn't be damaging their memory. I think they would be happier if you lived your life the best that you can. You will never forget them, Tori, and you'll always love them as your mom and sister will always love you. Everything your mom taught you, how you grew up, that's your heart." Tori looked up sadly at the man and slowly nodded her head. "I know it's hard, but don't you think now is a good time to say goodbye?"

"You won't be saying goodbye forever," Jade said quietly, "You'll see them again one day. Until then, don't dwell on them by pretending their ghosts are still here. Let them go and do everything in life the way you were taught. Let go of that pain and work towards healing…"

"I'm scared."

"You'll be okay."

"Losing someone you care about is hard enough," Henry knelt beside her and set his hand to her shoulder. "Seeing it first hand is hell, I know." Tori closed her eyes, whimpering softly. "I can prescribe some anxiety medication. It seems that would be a good start, my office is open. "

"I-I can do this. Just…give me a moment…"

"Okay."

They were gone. She knew that. They were never coming back, no matter what. As painful as it was to think about, she had to accept it. She knew in her heart she would never forget them or what their memory meant to her. It would indeed take time, no matter how difficult it was, but she could move on from this. It had been long enough.

There was just one thing left to do to make her momma proud.

Within the next couple of days, she received the acceptance letter for her college and met with the record agent that wanted to send her through the medical field. The man was an inch taller than she was and had a bald head. "What will you do if I accept a contract?"

"I will make you a star," the man remarked. "Granted there are a few things you will have to do, but it's all for mainstream." Tori's heart sank as she thought about the sexual movements of singers these days. They were worse now than they were when she was younger.

"That dirty dancing?"

"Well of course, everyone does that. It is how they get fans."

"But that's not how Celine Dion did it."

"Yes but she's old news." That wasn't true! There were many respectable singers. Why couldn't she be one? She kept thinking back to what her mom would say, and she knew the answer without putting much thought forward.

"I won't sing if it means I have to act like a slut or a prostitute." The man's jaw dropped and Tori shook her head with confidence. "I am in charge of my own body. Mom wouldn't be happy if she saw me doing what those dancers do on the stage."

"But it's how we make money. People pay to see that."

"What happened to the time people paid to hear the songs? That's what's meaningful to me and what's meaningful to my momma and my sister." She took a deep breath and slowly turned away. "I'm sorry sir…I have to deny the offer. I refuse to do anything that isn't respectable…I want people to know me for my voice, not my body."

"You don't know what you're turning down."

"No…" She bowed her head, smiling as she imagined her mom and sister smiling down on her with pride. Everything her mom ever taught her she knew by heart, and pride began to fill her up as she thought on her mom's many life lessons. She knew it was best to be honest, sincere, true and genuine. "'I know what I'm turning down, and what I'm accepting."

She truly did want to sing, but the desire for a more respectable path was overwhelming. Singing could be respectable, she knew it could be, but not if it was the way this man was offering. "Reconsider, Miss Vega?"

"I need to think about it, but for now…" She stood erect and gazed up to the sky with a subtle smile. She was going to go to college, try her plan for veterinary work. She would see what she wanted out of life, and then go for there. She wouldn't pretend her mom and sister were still there any longer, but at least, she would look back on their memory and try to base her decisions on what she felt they would think. "My mom and sis wouldn't approve of me compromising what I believe for something. If I can't be respectable, if I have to do sexual stuff, then I'm not going to sing. Simple as that."

"I understand. That is a shame-I don't really see a way around it…but in the end it is your decision. My offer still is on the table."

"Thank you…" She turned away and walked away, confident she was doing what was right. Holly and Trina were smiling down on her, they had to be.

It was as Henry and Jade counseled her. Holly, Trina, they weren't just outside of her and still living. They were inside of her, in her heart. Forever a part of her. She felt better seeing it that way than any other way, so maybe she could cope. She could heal from this loss.

From here on out, she would do what she felt would make them proudest of her. _"I don't have to pretend anymore…I know they are with me anyway."_ She cupped her hand over her chest and felt her heart beat as her body warmed. For a minute, she thought she felt their warm embrace on her. Her lips curled into a smile and her eyes opened up slowly. She could hear them telling her they loved her.

Happy to be at peace herself, she whispered the hardest word that clung to the tip of her tongue. A tear fell from her eye and she quickly swept it away. For the last time, she visualized Holly and Trina before her, slowly disappearing into her heart where she would let them remain, choosing to let them rest in peace.

"…Goodbye…"

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well I hope you enjoyed the oneshot. Like I said, it's a tribute.


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